Post by hoover on Jan 25, 2012 18:14:19 GMT -5
Mild mannered Mike “Doc” Barranti is a nice , quiet kind guy , quiet in the way that a homicide detective does his cursory investigation in which an entire family is wiped out, and the suspected son is described by all the neighbors as “a quiet boy, always kept to himself . “
Everyone knows that Doc builds a pretty reputable holster, they look great, and they sometimes actually fit the intended gun they were made for. After long hours on the workbench, Doc likes to unwind, and write stories, usually at my expense.
You see, Doc uses highly volatile contact cement. In his haste to keep up production, he sometimes spills some on his shirt, and unbeknownst to him, inhales the noxious fumes, killing brain cells in the process, and causing a scatter of brain activity, that any reformed hippie would be proud of. It is during these moments, that Doc gets confused, and tries to remember stories involving our outings in the pursuit of special or unique guns.
Sometimes Doc confuses HIS misgivings for mine, and projects his character flaws onto me. Doc makes me out as some gullible, hayseed hick, when in fact, he is actually describing himself. Sometimes I will act gullible; it is pretty easy for me, to con Doc into doing something he wouldn’t normally do. Case in point, buying drinks. Docs ratio is about 99 to 1, in that he will buy once for every 99 times I do. This was the case with the Hitler Springfield. Everyone knows Hitler wasn’t shot; he was stabbed in the ear with an ice pick, by a trusty aid, acting as if he were chipping ice for a scotch on the rocks. Believe it or not, I DO own that very Ice pick…….picked it up in a pawn shop in Germany. I know it is the real deal, it says so on the handle. Doc was exaggeratin’ about Hitler; the letter said Himmler…..
I’m not the only one with interesting historical artifacts. A few months ago, Doc was all excited. He told me he found a Charter Arms Bulldog in .44 special at his local gun shop. The price was around $300. Doc told the owner he’d been looking for one a long time, how nice this one looked, and with a sheepish grin asked,” think this is the one David Berkowitz, the son of Sam, used ?” The shop keeper just winked, and said,” ya never know “Doc figured that wink was proof enough, and bought the gun for $600. Since buying this gun, Doc takes orders from Pepe', his schnauzer. Pepe' also has a hand in holster design.
First time I had Doc down for opening day of deer season, I told him deer were color blind to red and black, and couldn’t differentiate plaid patterns. I also told him if he wore such an outfit, he would be nearly invisible and could sneak right up on the deer, in his sox, so he wouldn’t make any noise. This is what I saw opening morning.
Yeah, poor ol’ Doc is just too good natured at heart. He believes everyone, and takes them for their word. I can’t tell you how many times his better half, Michelle, has called me, in tears, because Doc was snookered again. Here are just a few of the things that has happened to Doc
1) Bought the Brooklyn Bridge, Golden Gate Bridge, and almost bought the Key Bridge while down here in D.C. this past trip. Michelle stopped him from writing a check to a homeless man.
2) Mike owns more swampland down south than an alligator.
3) Bought Davy Crockets cast iron frying pan from a toothless trailer park tramp(it was Teflon coated)
4) Lastly, gave his bank accounts, passwords, and PIN numbers to a prince from some country he can’t pronounce, as a deposit for 15,000,000,000,000he inherited. He was notified by Email.
Despite his flaws, Doc is a good friend, and he makes gun exploring interesting, if not down right fictional, especially if he has a gooey contact cement stain on his shirt.
Everyone knows that Doc builds a pretty reputable holster, they look great, and they sometimes actually fit the intended gun they were made for. After long hours on the workbench, Doc likes to unwind, and write stories, usually at my expense.
You see, Doc uses highly volatile contact cement. In his haste to keep up production, he sometimes spills some on his shirt, and unbeknownst to him, inhales the noxious fumes, killing brain cells in the process, and causing a scatter of brain activity, that any reformed hippie would be proud of. It is during these moments, that Doc gets confused, and tries to remember stories involving our outings in the pursuit of special or unique guns.
Sometimes Doc confuses HIS misgivings for mine, and projects his character flaws onto me. Doc makes me out as some gullible, hayseed hick, when in fact, he is actually describing himself. Sometimes I will act gullible; it is pretty easy for me, to con Doc into doing something he wouldn’t normally do. Case in point, buying drinks. Docs ratio is about 99 to 1, in that he will buy once for every 99 times I do. This was the case with the Hitler Springfield. Everyone knows Hitler wasn’t shot; he was stabbed in the ear with an ice pick, by a trusty aid, acting as if he were chipping ice for a scotch on the rocks. Believe it or not, I DO own that very Ice pick…….picked it up in a pawn shop in Germany. I know it is the real deal, it says so on the handle. Doc was exaggeratin’ about Hitler; the letter said Himmler…..
I’m not the only one with interesting historical artifacts. A few months ago, Doc was all excited. He told me he found a Charter Arms Bulldog in .44 special at his local gun shop. The price was around $300. Doc told the owner he’d been looking for one a long time, how nice this one looked, and with a sheepish grin asked,” think this is the one David Berkowitz, the son of Sam, used ?” The shop keeper just winked, and said,” ya never know “Doc figured that wink was proof enough, and bought the gun for $600. Since buying this gun, Doc takes orders from Pepe', his schnauzer. Pepe' also has a hand in holster design.
First time I had Doc down for opening day of deer season, I told him deer were color blind to red and black, and couldn’t differentiate plaid patterns. I also told him if he wore such an outfit, he would be nearly invisible and could sneak right up on the deer, in his sox, so he wouldn’t make any noise. This is what I saw opening morning.
Yeah, poor ol’ Doc is just too good natured at heart. He believes everyone, and takes them for their word. I can’t tell you how many times his better half, Michelle, has called me, in tears, because Doc was snookered again. Here are just a few of the things that has happened to Doc
1) Bought the Brooklyn Bridge, Golden Gate Bridge, and almost bought the Key Bridge while down here in D.C. this past trip. Michelle stopped him from writing a check to a homeless man.
2) Mike owns more swampland down south than an alligator.
3) Bought Davy Crockets cast iron frying pan from a toothless trailer park tramp(it was Teflon coated)
4) Lastly, gave his bank accounts, passwords, and PIN numbers to a prince from some country he can’t pronounce, as a deposit for 15,000,000,000,000he inherited. He was notified by Email.
Despite his flaws, Doc is a good friend, and he makes gun exploring interesting, if not down right fictional, especially if he has a gooey contact cement stain on his shirt.
