Post by 2 Dogs on Apr 4, 2013 10:17:48 GMT -5
I have. As a matter of fact I have met him a few times over the years. Since some of you have asked, and I have some free time this morning, I will crack the vault a little and let a bit hot air out.
Now, those of you who are serious about your daily worship as I am are probably starting to already get grumpy with me for taking His name this way but rest assured I wasnt the one confused about who I was or what I was doing on this day. So, no, I am not about to poke fun at your beliefs, but instead point out that He presents opportunities for us to learn lessons from all things in this life.
So, when I pulled the patrol unit up that day, there he was. On top of a portable building of all places. Arms outstreched to the clouds on a cool calm day screaming desperately to be taken to Heaven to be with his Father. His head tilted toward the sky, he declared he was Jesus and was ready to take his place at His side. The building itself was set on four foot tall concrete pylons, and the pitch of that roof was pretty steep so he was pretty high up there. Not quite 2 stories up but nearly a story and a half.
I figured he had climbed the deck side of the building and after looking at it I decided to wait for the Fire Company and a ladder. See, I don't like high places or deep water as two of the things I excell at are falling and sinking. It isn't that I wont go up there or in there, but I wont be happy when I get there and somebody is going to pay for that. Yet my main concern was how was I going to get him off that steep, tall, roof without killing either of us.
I tried talking to him in a calm firm voice. Then, I tried telling him in a more forceful veiled threating voice. All I got back from the guy was that he wanted to leave this world. I wasnt getting anywhere and the guy kept walking out of my view on the roof forcing me to circle below to keep him in sight. I looked over my shoulder to see a fire engine pulling in to the parking lot about the same time out of the corner of my eye I saw our subject light out towards the back of the portable building. I scurried to keep him in view only to see him run right off the back of the building at nearly its highest point.
That drop would have put me along with most mortals in the hospital with broken parts and mangled innards. Our "Jesus" who was maybe 15 or 16 years old landed like a cat and almost never broke stride as he ran with startling speed towards the rear of a large chuch complex that faced the next street over. Momentarily stunned at this feat, I watched him make distance remembering the days when I could run like that....
I remember thinking at the time I would never see him again as I walked back around the building toward my unit. In the interest of being sure, I decided to drive around towards the church just to be safe. It wasnt one of my best decisions....
Unlike my earlier story with Cujo the man eating dog, at this point in my career I am pretty old. Our little City by the Sea has grown at least twice as large and help if I need it is at best several minutes away if at all for the traffic. On the other hand, we have much better equipment than we did in my early days. Autoloading pistols, portable radios, Tasers, chemicals, and the like. Lethal and non lethal options. I forged ahead.
I drove calmly around back towards the church. To be honest I didnt really want to find that little turd, I was hoping he had made it home. I drove up on two little old church ladies, fish eyed and obviously startled who with thier fearful body language indicated to me that my rocket launched rabbit had gone the the 6 foot cedar gate they had just come out of and into the rear of the chuch complex.
Good Grief. I gotta go in AGAIN. Sigh. I put the car in park, and exit and can hear voices on the other side of the gate and as I enter the gate I instinctively feel my handcuffs taking thier familiar place in my left hand. I wasnt quite prepared for what I saw there. I was in a small concrete garden courtyard. Brick wall of the church on one side, a small storage building on another, and a wall of potted plants on the third side. In front of me, my subject of interest has located a Catholic Priest and has both of his hands on the Priests forearm. He has pulled the Priest to his knees and is praying loudly for his salvation. Priest looks up and sees me with an expression of worry all over his face.
Ok, here we go. Kid cant see me because I am behind him. I take this kid by his left arm and telling him I need to talk with him snap a cuff on his wrist. His response is to look at me with wild eyes as though I am Satan himself as he rises from his knees and takes off running from me all at the same time. Fat chance. Been that route already, you ain't going anywhere this time buddy. I set back on my heels and ole Jesus hits the end of the cuff like a calf on a taut rope and actually loses his footing. See, he maybe weighs 120 pounds and I am well over twice that. It was almost comical except for the fact that I was getting tired of screwing with this kid. I yanked him up off the ground and twisted his left arm behind his back and used my torso to pin him against the brick wall.
About that time I get a sobering surprise. Despite the fact I got this kid pinned up on the wall with his arm cranked behind his back like Gumby WITH a cuff on his wrist this kid is displaying awe inspiring strength in his struggle to escape my grasp. I have all the leverage. I have his chest and face pinned to the wall. I have his right bicep in my right hand pulling on it to cuff him up. Yet, he is not only doing his best to bite, kick and scratch me to get free BUT he is actually pulling his left arm down and away from the cuffed position behind his back. That right there is strength bordering on super human.
Ever been exposed to Pepper Spray? I dont recomend the experience. I am told by Prison Guards that some inmates are so used to chemical agents it has no effect on them. Let me simply say that Pepper Spray exposure made such an impression on me that up to this point I had NEVER used it on anyone. I would sooner throw you into a vat of boiling grease. I think it is that bad.
I let go of his right arm while keeping him pinned to the bricks with my weight and access my pepper spray with speed of draw that would make Hutyra think of retirement. He has by now almost pulled his left arm free from me. Thinking to myself, OK he asked for it, I give him about half a can. I ain't kidding either. I can hear them calling me on the radio as the other units cannot find me but with both hands full I can't respond. The Priest isnt any help, he looks like he is about to faint. I make sure I get him in the eyes, nose and mouth with the fiery stuff. You see, its not that I cannot subdue this kid. But who needs to haul in somebodys teenage son who is all bruised and bloody for being bounced off a brick wall like a ripe tomato? More 'splainin' than I care to participate in.
Quite naturally, the Pepper Spray has almost no effect. Let me take that back, because now he is fighting me even more desperately than before if anything. I spin him around and take him to the ground face down. I promptly take a full back mount. For those not familiar with ground fighting terms, it means I am straddling the small of his back with all my weight and have now regained my control of his handcuffed left hand. As if all that wasnt enough, I find myself being lifted off the ground by a 120 pound teenager performing a one armed pushup with me on his back. I let him extend his free arm and snatch his wrist off the pavement and cuff him up. I am riding this bucking little bronco and I can finally let go with my left hand and answer the dispatcher who has anxiously been calling me for the last several looong seconds. Says she, "Do you have the Subject in custody?" While trying to retain my position in the saddle I respond, "Well, sorta..."
My position now broadcast who bursts into the little fenced courtyard to help me but one of our guys who bless his bony little heart isnt much bigger than this kid and probably on his best day is as strong as a dried out toothpick. We get this kid kicking and screaming to his feet and drag him out to the parking lot to where a medic unit has arrived and spend about 20 to 30 minutes trying to put out the fire on his face and calm him down enough to transport him to the hospital.
I finally get him calmed down enough at the hospital where he explains to me he and his parents who I have called to meet me there that he was smoking Pot laced with PCP. I released him to his parents who were obviously good people.
Now, those of you who are serious about your daily worship as I am are probably starting to already get grumpy with me for taking His name this way but rest assured I wasnt the one confused about who I was or what I was doing on this day. So, no, I am not about to poke fun at your beliefs, but instead point out that He presents opportunities for us to learn lessons from all things in this life.
So, when I pulled the patrol unit up that day, there he was. On top of a portable building of all places. Arms outstreched to the clouds on a cool calm day screaming desperately to be taken to Heaven to be with his Father. His head tilted toward the sky, he declared he was Jesus and was ready to take his place at His side. The building itself was set on four foot tall concrete pylons, and the pitch of that roof was pretty steep so he was pretty high up there. Not quite 2 stories up but nearly a story and a half.
I figured he had climbed the deck side of the building and after looking at it I decided to wait for the Fire Company and a ladder. See, I don't like high places or deep water as two of the things I excell at are falling and sinking. It isn't that I wont go up there or in there, but I wont be happy when I get there and somebody is going to pay for that. Yet my main concern was how was I going to get him off that steep, tall, roof without killing either of us.
I tried talking to him in a calm firm voice. Then, I tried telling him in a more forceful veiled threating voice. All I got back from the guy was that he wanted to leave this world. I wasnt getting anywhere and the guy kept walking out of my view on the roof forcing me to circle below to keep him in sight. I looked over my shoulder to see a fire engine pulling in to the parking lot about the same time out of the corner of my eye I saw our subject light out towards the back of the portable building. I scurried to keep him in view only to see him run right off the back of the building at nearly its highest point.
That drop would have put me along with most mortals in the hospital with broken parts and mangled innards. Our "Jesus" who was maybe 15 or 16 years old landed like a cat and almost never broke stride as he ran with startling speed towards the rear of a large chuch complex that faced the next street over. Momentarily stunned at this feat, I watched him make distance remembering the days when I could run like that....
I remember thinking at the time I would never see him again as I walked back around the building toward my unit. In the interest of being sure, I decided to drive around towards the church just to be safe. It wasnt one of my best decisions....
Unlike my earlier story with Cujo the man eating dog, at this point in my career I am pretty old. Our little City by the Sea has grown at least twice as large and help if I need it is at best several minutes away if at all for the traffic. On the other hand, we have much better equipment than we did in my early days. Autoloading pistols, portable radios, Tasers, chemicals, and the like. Lethal and non lethal options. I forged ahead.
I drove calmly around back towards the church. To be honest I didnt really want to find that little turd, I was hoping he had made it home. I drove up on two little old church ladies, fish eyed and obviously startled who with thier fearful body language indicated to me that my rocket launched rabbit had gone the the 6 foot cedar gate they had just come out of and into the rear of the chuch complex.
Good Grief. I gotta go in AGAIN. Sigh. I put the car in park, and exit and can hear voices on the other side of the gate and as I enter the gate I instinctively feel my handcuffs taking thier familiar place in my left hand. I wasnt quite prepared for what I saw there. I was in a small concrete garden courtyard. Brick wall of the church on one side, a small storage building on another, and a wall of potted plants on the third side. In front of me, my subject of interest has located a Catholic Priest and has both of his hands on the Priests forearm. He has pulled the Priest to his knees and is praying loudly for his salvation. Priest looks up and sees me with an expression of worry all over his face.
Ok, here we go. Kid cant see me because I am behind him. I take this kid by his left arm and telling him I need to talk with him snap a cuff on his wrist. His response is to look at me with wild eyes as though I am Satan himself as he rises from his knees and takes off running from me all at the same time. Fat chance. Been that route already, you ain't going anywhere this time buddy. I set back on my heels and ole Jesus hits the end of the cuff like a calf on a taut rope and actually loses his footing. See, he maybe weighs 120 pounds and I am well over twice that. It was almost comical except for the fact that I was getting tired of screwing with this kid. I yanked him up off the ground and twisted his left arm behind his back and used my torso to pin him against the brick wall.
About that time I get a sobering surprise. Despite the fact I got this kid pinned up on the wall with his arm cranked behind his back like Gumby WITH a cuff on his wrist this kid is displaying awe inspiring strength in his struggle to escape my grasp. I have all the leverage. I have his chest and face pinned to the wall. I have his right bicep in my right hand pulling on it to cuff him up. Yet, he is not only doing his best to bite, kick and scratch me to get free BUT he is actually pulling his left arm down and away from the cuffed position behind his back. That right there is strength bordering on super human.
Ever been exposed to Pepper Spray? I dont recomend the experience. I am told by Prison Guards that some inmates are so used to chemical agents it has no effect on them. Let me simply say that Pepper Spray exposure made such an impression on me that up to this point I had NEVER used it on anyone. I would sooner throw you into a vat of boiling grease. I think it is that bad.
I let go of his right arm while keeping him pinned to the bricks with my weight and access my pepper spray with speed of draw that would make Hutyra think of retirement. He has by now almost pulled his left arm free from me. Thinking to myself, OK he asked for it, I give him about half a can. I ain't kidding either. I can hear them calling me on the radio as the other units cannot find me but with both hands full I can't respond. The Priest isnt any help, he looks like he is about to faint. I make sure I get him in the eyes, nose and mouth with the fiery stuff. You see, its not that I cannot subdue this kid. But who needs to haul in somebodys teenage son who is all bruised and bloody for being bounced off a brick wall like a ripe tomato? More 'splainin' than I care to participate in.
Quite naturally, the Pepper Spray has almost no effect. Let me take that back, because now he is fighting me even more desperately than before if anything. I spin him around and take him to the ground face down. I promptly take a full back mount. For those not familiar with ground fighting terms, it means I am straddling the small of his back with all my weight and have now regained my control of his handcuffed left hand. As if all that wasnt enough, I find myself being lifted off the ground by a 120 pound teenager performing a one armed pushup with me on his back. I let him extend his free arm and snatch his wrist off the pavement and cuff him up. I am riding this bucking little bronco and I can finally let go with my left hand and answer the dispatcher who has anxiously been calling me for the last several looong seconds. Says she, "Do you have the Subject in custody?" While trying to retain my position in the saddle I respond, "Well, sorta..."
My position now broadcast who bursts into the little fenced courtyard to help me but one of our guys who bless his bony little heart isnt much bigger than this kid and probably on his best day is as strong as a dried out toothpick. We get this kid kicking and screaming to his feet and drag him out to the parking lot to where a medic unit has arrived and spend about 20 to 30 minutes trying to put out the fire on his face and calm him down enough to transport him to the hospital.
I finally get him calmed down enough at the hospital where he explains to me he and his parents who I have called to meet me there that he was smoking Pot laced with PCP. I released him to his parents who were obviously good people.
