Post by 2 Dogs on Aug 9, 2009 10:24:23 GMT -5
DICK IN THE LONGRASS
It was bound to happen. I had taken my wife to the county fair where I was to referee the pig wrasslin' contest. The dang kids kept mistaking me for the pig and stuffin' me in the barrel! I guess I should not have eaten' all that food at the concession stand. But I digress, there I was relaxing in all my bloated bliss when a panting excited pig farmer came running up all coated in sweat from the effort. He breathlessly explained he had sighted a HUGE man eating badger near the highway! Something had to be done, and as the local meathammer the duty fell to me.
I whistled up my faithful tracker and man servant Cantshoot. Together we lorried to the last place the badger was sighted and started on the spoor. A fortunate turn of events to be sure as I had promised my friend Mike Booranti a badger hide for a loin cloth to wear by Holloween.
The grass was everybit of 6 inches high as we struggled into the blinding setting sun with the wind at our back. It would be dark soon and I didnt want to be late for supper. Cantshoot carried a sack of cotton candy along with my stopping gun in his bush shorts pocket. Stopping every few minutes to nervously check the wind with a tuft of cotton candy we carefully pressed on.
Suddenly I saw the long grass part and out came a very mad Badger! All claws and flashing teeth he looked like a rabid chainsaw in heat. I reached back for Cantshoot to hand me my stopping gun but he had inadvertly handed me the cotton candy instead.
Im glad I had the forethought to wear my Pittsburgh Steelers run fast jump high slippers. I dropped the cotton candy and we ran for our lives, all the time Cantshoot trying to get my stopping gun out of his pocket. Just as I was overtaken by the badger Cantshoot finally handed me my stopping gun like a baton in a relay race. I could feel the badgers hot breath as I pressed my stopping gun loaded with Mega Mountain deluded titanium mucho whack bullets against the badger and jerked the trigger 5 times as fast as I could.
Just as he was about to sink his considerable teeth into my throat and end it all for me I saw the badgers eyes roll back and he collapsed dead in a heap. Dragging me to my feet Cantshoot said, "whew, that was close". Catching my breath I looked at him and said, "Sure was. Lets go eat".
Just another day in the life of a Meathammer.
It was bound to happen. I had taken my wife to the county fair where I was to referee the pig wrasslin' contest. The dang kids kept mistaking me for the pig and stuffin' me in the barrel! I guess I should not have eaten' all that food at the concession stand. But I digress, there I was relaxing in all my bloated bliss when a panting excited pig farmer came running up all coated in sweat from the effort. He breathlessly explained he had sighted a HUGE man eating badger near the highway! Something had to be done, and as the local meathammer the duty fell to me.
I whistled up my faithful tracker and man servant Cantshoot. Together we lorried to the last place the badger was sighted and started on the spoor. A fortunate turn of events to be sure as I had promised my friend Mike Booranti a badger hide for a loin cloth to wear by Holloween.
The grass was everybit of 6 inches high as we struggled into the blinding setting sun with the wind at our back. It would be dark soon and I didnt want to be late for supper. Cantshoot carried a sack of cotton candy along with my stopping gun in his bush shorts pocket. Stopping every few minutes to nervously check the wind with a tuft of cotton candy we carefully pressed on.
Suddenly I saw the long grass part and out came a very mad Badger! All claws and flashing teeth he looked like a rabid chainsaw in heat. I reached back for Cantshoot to hand me my stopping gun but he had inadvertly handed me the cotton candy instead.
Im glad I had the forethought to wear my Pittsburgh Steelers run fast jump high slippers. I dropped the cotton candy and we ran for our lives, all the time Cantshoot trying to get my stopping gun out of his pocket. Just as I was overtaken by the badger Cantshoot finally handed me my stopping gun like a baton in a relay race. I could feel the badgers hot breath as I pressed my stopping gun loaded with Mega Mountain deluded titanium mucho whack bullets against the badger and jerked the trigger 5 times as fast as I could.
Just as he was about to sink his considerable teeth into my throat and end it all for me I saw the badgers eyes roll back and he collapsed dead in a heap. Dragging me to my feet Cantshoot said, "whew, that was close". Catching my breath I looked at him and said, "Sure was. Lets go eat".
Just another day in the life of a Meathammer.
;D
when that rawhide starts to dry & tighten up it will really put some zip in to offense 
I'll bet 2 Dogs will get in that barrel faster than a monkey peeling a banana 
;D