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Post by whitworth on Sept 1, 2017 8:06:00 GMT -5
Keep in mind, as you make your decision, that you are under no obligation to be unhappy.
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Post by contender on Sept 1, 2017 8:59:40 GMT -5
I realize you have presented a short version of the events in your life. In that,, I know there is a lot more to add,,, details & such. Giving advice with limited info can create more issues than necessary. My wonderful SECOND wife works for an attorney. We both made mistakes the first time around. Now,,, because she works in the field where divorce & all is one of the issues people deal with,,, we see things a lot clearer. Sometimes,,, divorce is the answer,,and sometimes not. And when a couple who supposedly love each other feel offended,, as noted,,, it can get very ugly & nasty quickly. But sometimes it doesn't happen that way either.
First,,, I commend you for your strong beliefs. Too often,,, folks give up w/o thinking on what they said in front of God & witnesses. About the best I can offer is to agree with the post above about seeking counseling. First,, on your own,,, then hopefully,, you can get her to agree to it as well. But,,,, understand that if you mention a marriage counselor, it may trigger a negative reaction from her. I also agree that your finances should include some "me" money,, as it can become VERY necessary,, even if you do not choose to go that route. And as noted,,, in many states,,, even if she brings in the house,,, it often becomes "marital property" to where both you AND her share equal portions. (Same as a man doing the same by moving his new wife into his house.) But,,, as noted,,, it can also be her house,,, as it was her's prior to the marriage. A discussion for you & an attorney in your state.
So,, I will offer a prayer for you & your wife.
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Post by taffin on Sept 1, 2017 10:48:32 GMT -5
[Third. If it all goes south, find a good attorney that specializes in representing husbands.
IF IT COMES TO THE WORST I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH. MY DEAR FRIEND WENT THROUGH A LITERAL HELL WITH A WIFE WHO TRIED TO DESTROY HIM AND CAME VERY NEAR TO SUCCEEDING. HE IS BANKRUPT AND A PHYSICAL WRECK OVER THIS.
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Post by magnumwheelman on Sept 1, 2017 10:55:42 GMT -5
... & my former assistant ( a woman ) lost her kids & her house to an unemployed bum of an ex-husband that had an excellent divorce lawyer, & she was trying to be "civil"
so yes there are lawyers out there that can get the guy his fair share, & often even more than his share as I related above... so if it does come to that... don't try to be civil, just get the best divorce lawyer you can...
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Post by cherokeetracker on Sept 1, 2017 11:03:48 GMT -5
I have seen the lawyers pit the couples against each other in an effort to bleed them of more money. The lawyers are the only winners in a divorce. With some people,,,, Whatever it costs, it's worth it.
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Post by oddshooter on Sept 1, 2017 11:07:20 GMT -5
Your wife's family is the number two reason for divorce. Money is number one.
I just had to cut my wife's nephew off from visiting. I got tired of his name calling and character assassination as a communication technique. Then of course, a huge blow up with his mom, my wife's sister.
My wife does not blame me for what happened, but she is not backing me against her family. I am totally screwed.
We've been together 50 years this month. One thing we have never done is use the D word. Once one of the parties threatens a divorce/split out loud, the game is over. It's impossible to trust someone who threatens to try and ruin your life.
Sometimes there is no good answer. You just have to pick the one that's least wrong.
Prescut After spending a major portion of my life in the Courts, I can absolutely say no one wins in a legal battle. Pain, suffering, expensive! Attorneys are for rich people or stupid ones with malice in their hearts who will cut off their nose to spite their face.
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Post by bula on Sept 1, 2017 11:15:12 GMT -5
Be the squirrel, hide some nuts..
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Post by bula on Sept 1, 2017 11:51:14 GMT -5
Also, protect da 'Tater.
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Post by 500fksjr on Sept 1, 2017 12:55:46 GMT -5
all good advice!!! Pray and seek GREAT Advice been there before it helps see things from a different view...fwiw
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paulg
.375 Atomic
Posts: 2,420
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Post by paulg on Sept 2, 2017 6:03:31 GMT -5
Y'all show exactly why I value this forum so much. I don't skip all over the internet socially. Used to do Facebook but gave that up a long time ago. I spoke to my employers attorney briefly and received some legal advice. In the state of Florida it doesn't matter who owns what. In a divorce if the party's can't agree on property division and left up to the courts, the property is divided in half. Of course there can be extenuating circumstances that can affect a judges decision. My next stop was my doctor who prescribed me a few little happy pills to help me with the stress and anxiety and referred me to a very good counselor. So the counselor was my third stop. After one visit the counselor invited my wife to the next session. Without boring details we found out my wife and I care for each other very much and the real problem is lack of quality communication, lack of the ability to compromise and personality defects on both sides. We have agreed to allow our counselor to greatly influence life changing choices until we learn to communicate with each other in a positive way with positive results. I've learned quickly that the answer to a complicated problem can be solved with the simplest answer. For example, my problem with the stepson and doing his thing on our property had a simple solution. We found him a shop for lease locally having all the room he needs to do his work. I paid his deposit and told him in no uncertain terms that he is responsible for making it work and that my garage is off limits from now on. His mother seemed to be content with that. We have always had separate bank accounts I have just had most of my paycheck deposited into my wife's account to make sure there is enough money for our needs. If we are destined for divorce all I need to do is change my direct deposit. I've retained an attorney just in case but have hope that the retainer is just a boat payment for him and won't be necessary for legal proceedings. So one day at a time I will play the hand dealt to me with a few cards and anti bitch pills up my sleeve. Thank you all for your time, experience, wisdom and prayers. I'm looking forward to getting back to enjoying your shooting, hunting and custom build posts. My sincere gratitude goes out to you all. Have a great Labor Day weekend. Paul Edited to add: I felt so much better yesterday that I put an order in for a new belt and holster with Rob and his Simply Rugged crew. I have a new to me pistol. It's not a rare or monetarily valuable gun but it's value to me is priceless. Once things settle down a bit I'll share the story with y'all.
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Post by 500fksjr on Sept 2, 2017 8:05:45 GMT -5
Paul,Blessings and prayers to/for you and the wife...Years ago a counselor made a point to say to me..."It takes 2 to get to this point! an It takes 2 to heal" what would you like to do? Well her and I healed an went on to have 5 more children ( 8 total)and a total of 32.5 yrs until her death at the age of 52...Frank
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Post by contender on Sept 2, 2017 8:14:35 GMT -5
Excellent update. You were smart,,, in discussing things with a lawyer,,, and the counselor. The anti-stress pills,,, if needed,,, then ok. (I'm a type of guy who won't hardly take an aspirin or anything,,, so any medication is not on my radar of things to consider.) I'm glad y'all found a compromise in dealing with her son & his failure to understand your needs & wishes. And I'm REALLY glad she was able to understand things well enough to agree with counseling & compromise. All in all,,, a great post to read this morning!
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Post by coldtriggerfinger on Sept 2, 2017 11:32:29 GMT -5
Yes , that is very good news ! Communication is vital. My wife and I had to learn how to communicate effectively with each other. I used to be wound up like a wooden watch. Needed large daily doses of adrenaline . And had to find about the hardest way to make a living to assuage my self worth. This may sound odd but the last time I got seriously injured really helped us. I was basically crippled all last winter. That really mellowed me out!!! Our marriage is so much better now. My wife used to say that we got along best when I was exhausted. Now we get on even better and I can be rested up !!! . I can truly thank God for all the pain I've been thru. It was the only way I could mellow out. Hoping you and your wife can find a much less painful solution. !!
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Post by bula on Sept 2, 2017 14:22:39 GMT -5
i like good news ! It has been a good day here and no shortage of smiles, but I made time for one more ! Fingers crossed for ya.
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cmh
.401 Bobcat
Posts: 3,745
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Post by cmh on Sept 2, 2017 20:28:58 GMT -5
Best news Ive read all day Paul..... God Bless you both, Craig
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